My Childhood – Antithesis to Military Life
I come from a very stable background. I grew up with a married mother and father (who are still married after 40+ years!), three siblings, a solid faith foundation, and emotionally close extended family. Until college, I lived in the same area of the same state, and for the majority of that I lived in the same house in a very safe neighborhood.
I didn’t even have to deal with the transition of changing schools at middle and high school, because I was homeschooled up till college. I received all my Catholic sacraments at the same parish except for Baptism (which ironically I received at another parish named after the same saint). Every summer, we made a family road trip to visit my paternal grandmother and other extended family in Ohio. Our family life was pretty much like clockwork.
Going to college put me a little outside that comfortable and stable life, but not by much. I easily fell into the routine of college classes, a good circle of friends, volunteering, and social life. After graduation, I moved back home. (Literally – I had so much student loan debt that I didn’t want to spend money on rent, and my parents were gracious enough to let me live at home for several years as an adult.)
Enter Military Life
But then, I met Mark and the military life. My family had no close family members or friends in the service, so this life was foreign to me. I always considered myself patriotic, but quickly learned that military life is more than just patriotism.
I first learned the meaning of sacrifice when Mark deployed to Afghanistan twice during our engagement. After getting married I truly experienced what it means to “hurry up and wait,” and what it’s like to have many aspects of your life dictated by an outside entity.
I have a very “type-A” personality, and thrive on adhering to schedules and plans. But you know how some people say that God has a sense of humor? All my life, He knew that I’d meet this soldier and have my life changed in so many ways – including how I plan my life’s future.
How Military Life is Different
The more I live this military lifestyle and share it on social media, the more I realize how different it is from “normal” civilian life. It’s not that it’s “better” or makes us superior people, but it gives us a unique perspective on life. It also forces us to handle normal life events in a different way than civilians likely would.
For example, we knew for several months that most likely, we’d be leaving Germany before the end of 2019. Certain events made this more likely, but a military move is never certain until you receive “orders.” (Basically, orders are a set of official instructions detailing when, where, and how one is to move.) And even then, I’ve heard of orders being changed.
With military orders, even if you are pretty sure they are coming, you can’t do anything official to prepare for the move until you receive orders. This means you can’t schedule packers and movers, you can’t ship your car, and you can’t book your plane ticket. (That’s just the tip of the iceberg.)
Hurry Up and Wait
We didn’t receive our orders to move from Germany to California until a little over ONE MONTH before leaving the country. This meant getting all of our moving tasks done within mere weeks. (I say that like it’s no big deal, but it really is a monumental thing!)
In our particular case, “hurry up and wait” was more like “wait and hurry up.” But either way, the principle is a key element of military life. I know that some non-military folks might say, “I don’t know how you do it!” But you just do. I like to jokingly say that either I’m a very accepting person, or I’m brainwashed.
But in all seriousness, in order to thrive as a military family, you must learn how to live with and even embrace things that might appear as huge nuisances. I won’t deny that I get frustrated with Army stuff sometimes, but I can’t imagine life any other way right now. The military life is all I’ve ever known with Mark. Of course, this lifestyle will eventually end, but I hope that the steely and determined mindset it’s trained us to have won’t leave us.
“Not Normal” Family Life
An unpredictable lifestyle is not the only aspect that military families learn to incorporate. Family life itself is “not normal” when you line it up against civilian life. The military life is very nomadic. You get used to seeing your belongings boxed up and shipped every two to three years. You are familiar with living out of suitcases and using government furniture in temporary housing. You treasure the souvenirs you collect from around the world, but at the same time know that it’s just STUFF. And all that stuff has to be packed and unpacked with each move. Is it really worth it?
Relating to extended family is also different. Our first child, due in January 2020, will not have the same relationship with his grandparents as my niece does (who lives 30 minutes away from my parents). My mom recently told me that they’ve seen her almost every single week of her entire life. (She’s eight months old as of this writing.) As long as we’re part of the military, our son will not have that experience, and that’s just the way of it.
But what our son will have is the experience of seeing the world and living in all sorts of places – something that not many children get to have. Visits with either set of grandparents will be a most special thing indeed, because it won’t happen too often! Visits will be something to be anticipated and treasured. It doesn’t mean that those who get to see extended family often don’t treasure it, but there’s a certain excitement when it’s just a yearly occurrence.
Planning in Pencil
Military families also don’t have the luxury of putting things in stone all the time. For example, waiting on orders also meant waiting to see if we would have a baby shower. If we couldn’t leave Germany till late in November, then traveling for a baby shower would’ve been out of the question because I’d be so far along in pregnancy. I had to accept that. A popular military wife euphemism is to “plan in pencil” because most likely, plans will get changed.
It can be hard explaining these things to non-military folks, and even harder to explain how one can be okay with them. Do I have my frustrations and moments of wanting us to throw in the towel on military life, to just be “normal”? Of course. I think every military family feels that way from time to time, because it isn’t easy dealing with bureaucracy.
Life Any Other Way
But like I mentioned above, how could life be any other way? Mark has been active duty for 10 years now, and I’ve known him for almost that long. We do have a vision for our lives after the military, and we aren’t under the delusion that the Army will be our life forever. It’s one reason why I’m passionate about forging a path in online business, because it’s something that I can do whether we’re in the military life or not.
But for now, the military is “home,” wherever it takes us. There are still a million little frustrations ahead of us, and more “hurry up and wait” scenarios. But amidst our chaotic, nomadic life are opportunities to explore our great country and world. There are chances to help others see what military life is like, so that the general consensus isn’t that it’s just patriotic pomp and circumstance. And best of all, opportunities abound for building strength of character, no matter what challenges come our way.
Diane Fuchs says
Very well written succinct summary of military life from your viewpoint!