I’m so pleased to bring you the second story of the Warriors in the Wait infertility project! Annie and I met through Instagram because of the wonderful NaPro Technology community that exists on that platform. If you’ve gone through infertility or miscarriage, I know you’ll be able to relate to Annie’s story. I haven’t experienced miscarriage, but I can definitely identify with the thoughts and feelings she describes surrounding not being able to conceive. Know that you are not alone!
PCOS and Trying to Conceive
The first time I ever thought I was pregnant was the first month we tried to conceive. Looking back, that was naïve of me. I had been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) the month before our wedding, and even with bio-identical progesterone supplements, my cycles were anything but normal: long and irregular, limited mucus, abnormal bleeding, the whole nine yards.
But there I was. I’d contracted a cold while on a business trip, and I convinced myself that this was due to immunosuppression to allow implantation. I typically experience breast tenderness as a PMS symptom, but I was sure that this time, it was a pregnancy symptom. I ordered bulk pregnancy tests on Amazon, and lo and behold, they arrived the day after my period did.
The Early Months
My husband, Daniel, and I had used the Creighton Model System since our engagement, so I was able to keep tabs on my cycle fairly reliably. Even when my cycles lasted 45 days, I was able to pinpoint the approximate time of ovulation so that we could time acts of intimacy when I was fertile (aka “fertility-focused intercourse”). I continued working with my NaProTechnology doctor, who had immediately diagnosed my PCOS using my Creighton charts after years of searching for answers about my irregular cycles. He told me to continue taking the progesterone he’d prescribed me, and should we try to conceive for 6 months with no success, he’d start me on a round of Clomid.
So, we tried. And tried. And tried. And my period kept coming: the day before my birthday! While on vacation! Relentless. Even as early as our second cycle of trying, I began to doubt that I’d ever have the big, happy family of my dreams.
I didn’t always dream of being a mother. In the days when I had considered religious life, the thing that had scared me most hadn’t been giving up having a family, but foregoing a career. But during the time Daniel and I were dating and engaged, my mind and heart had slowly been opened to the possibility of being married and welcoming many children.
With every passing month, that future seemed to slip further and further away. Once, I sobbed after Communion at Mass, not caring what anyone around me thought, and not knowing that this was the first of many times I’d cry in church.
A Change of Scenery, a New Approach
Meanwhile, life was happening. The week my Amazon pregnancy tests arrived, Daniel matched into a family medicine residency out-of-state. I quit my job, partly because I anticipated wanting to stay home with a baby in the near future. We found an apartment and planned a cross-country move.
This meant that I needed to find a new NaPro doctor. When we moved, we were on month #5 of trying to get pregnant, and it seemed like the clock on any potential treatment would essentially restart. Luckily, our new city had a wealth of Creighton and NaPro resources, and I was able to establish care with a new doctor the very first day our insurance kicked in.
My new doctor confirmed my prior diagnosis of low progesterone and “moderate” PCOS: my cycles were certainly irregular, my androgens only slightly elevated, and my ovaries only slightly enlarged. She also diagnosed me with hypothyroidism and an MTHFR mutation that affects my body’s ability to metabolize folate.
It took me a little while to get on board with using a pill organizer and getting Peak+7 blood tests done, but sure enough, the fistfuls of medication actually began to help! (“Peak+7” is NaPro language for mid-luteal phase hormone testing. This is much more accurate than simply “day 21” of one’s cycle!) After starting thyroid meds, I went from a 45-day cycle one month to a 28-day cycle the next.
Frustration and Despair
Nevertheless, what followed was a long autumn and winter of introducing medications, getting blood drawn, and not getting pregnant. Once, I broke down in the doctor’s office after realizing that the “implantation bleeding” I’d optimistically noticed was really a period.
That day I came to realize how little I had communicated with Daniel about any of this. Sure, we had talked, but my M.O. had become to constantly think and silently worry, especially since our time together had become so limited by his long hours at the hospital. At dinner, I unloaded all of the worries, fears, and anxieties that had been clouding my mind for the past eight months. I told him how much I regretted the months at the beginning of our marriage when we had avoided pregnancy. I voiced my fears about how our family would look, that maybe we’d never have a baby. We discussed just how much had gone unspoken between us. We vowed to be honest and open with one another going forward, especially about the hard stuff.
A second low point came about a month later with some suboptimal lab results. We found that my estrogen levels post-ovulation were extremely low. I had noticed that, even with the several mucus enhancers my doctor had recommended, I didn’t have very much cervical mucus, which is a necessary element of fertility. Since estrogen stimulates the creation of mucus, the low estrogen result shouldn’t have been surprising; but truthfully, I was devastated. I felt we had made so much progress! I had expected to be pregnant by this point. Finding out that my body still wasn’t cooperating was a huge disappointment.
Learning to Trust My Support Team
This setback gave me the courage to finally tell my mom about our infertility struggles. She and I normally speak on the phone several times per week and are quite close, yet every time I thought about telling her what I was going through, a tiny fear in the back of my head stopped me. What if she said something that hurt me further? My parents were in Europe when I got my test results, so in my sadness I sent my mom an email. It seemed easier than finding the right words over the phone.
Finally being open with my mom was like releasing a pressure valve in my heart. My parents struggled to conceive for 2 years when they were first married, so I felt she could understand me as I shared my hurt and disappointment with her, first through email and then in person. Even more than that, it was refreshing to be honest about what I was experiencing instead of trying to pretend everything was fine. I found myself able to open up with other trusted individuals in my life, too. This was a lifesaver when later that month, I had another glimmer of hope that I could be pregnant, only to be proven wrong the day after Thanksgiving. Following that disappointment, my mom offered to join Daniel and me as we prayed the St. Andrew Christmas Novena for the intention of a successful pregnancy.
My doctor and I had started taking practical steps, too. To improve my estrogen level for future cycles, she’d prescribed HCG injections. You may know that HCG is the “pregnancy hormone.” It’s less commonly known that introducing this bio-identical hormone after ovulation has a compounding effect on both estrogen and progesterone. The HCG will help to naturally raise the levels of both hormones both during the medication cycle and in the following cycle.
I was cautiously optimistic about introducing HCG – that is, if I were ever able to use it! The next couple cycles, I had so little cervical mucus that I couldn’t identify my peak day confidently enough to time the injections. So the expensive little vial sat in our refrigerator for two months.
When I saw my doctor just before Christmas, she conceded that at this point, given everything we had done to regulate my hormones, we really needed to (in her words) “just get [me] pregnant.” I agreed. To that end she prescribed letrozole, an ovulation stimulator, which I was to begin taking on the third day of my next cycle – “if you start your period, that is!” I held on to her optimism as we prayed the Christmas novena; every day Daniel and I asked God to give us the gift of a child this month. And two days before Christmas, I got my period. But this time, I wasn’t devastated, because we had a plan. I started the letrozole on Christmas Day.
To read Part 2 of Annie’s story, please go HERE.
Biography:
Annie has been married to her husband, Daniel, for almost 2 years. Annie has a background in environmental studies and is passionate about water conservation and urban planning. After a life-changing experience with Creighton and NaProTechnology, Annie decided to become a Creighton FertilityCare Practitioner. Both raised in Texas, Annie and Daniel currently live in Indianapolis as Daniel completes his family medicine residency. On a rare off day, you can find them playing a board game or sampling their home-brewed beer!
Diane says
Can’t wait to read Part 2 of your journey! My sister and her husband are doctors in Indianapolis, too!
Annie says
We love it here. It seems like they really take care of their doctors – at least in our experience!
Daisy says
Annie, thank you for sharing your journey. Will be waiting for part 2. As a fellow PCOS girl something i did not know until I saw a NaPro doctor was that not all women experience the irregular period cycles. I was super regular and got one EVERY month. I was very shocked when I was diagnosed. But via ultrasound the cystic ovaries were visually present and o could see them myself. The Doctor even had ovarian wedge resection surgery on the table if our other protocol was unsuccessful. Infertility issues may look similar on paper from one patient to the next but the experience and symptoms are so different.
Annie says
Yes, a wedge resection has been mentioned for me too. I was able to get pregnant without surgery once so I am crossing my fingers that will continue. I know the surgery has amazing results though! PCOS is so tricky and annoying… we cysters are so diverse that it’s hard to pin down any one best treatment or approach. That’s why having a good doctor and some body literacy via NFP is so vital!!