I am so excited to share this first guest post of the Warriors in the Wait project! From the moment I came up with this idea and heard Daisy’s story, I knew it had to be first in the lineup. A few days after my laparoscopic surgery for endometriosis, she messaged me on Instagram. She had seen my FertilityCare Practitioner share my post about the surgery and recognized my face. Turns out that we attended CCD (religious education) at the same parish during high school! We also both were married the same year in that same parish, AND have the same wonderful NaPro Technology doctor. Daisy shared her heart with me about her and her husband’s infertility journey, and I cried reading it. She was so vulnerable and honest, yet so encouraging too. I hope her story touches you as deeply as it did me! Below is Part 1. Please make sure to come back for Part 2 later this week!
Experiencing Loss
The ER doctor held my clammy and IV infused hand, and cupped his palm over mine. He softly said, “Just push this red button for more pain meds, it should help. I am so sorry.”
He had kind eyes. I will always remember that doctor because I knew he truly meant it, and in the midst of hundreds of patients he treated me with compassion. His resident intern was in the corner typing out his notes and looked at me with sympathy as tears rolled down my cheeks.
Morphine? Morphine? All the pain medication in the world could not numb this pain, I thought to myself as I felt the stinging of the drug.
This was a particular kind of pain; it was seeping in my veins and creaking in my bones. I could even taste it between my teeth. The night of my 30th birthday was spent in a hospital bed recovering from a miscarriage.
The year of my engagement I kept telling my friends and family that Manny and I wanted to have our first baby before I turned thirty. I was so elated about marrying my college sweetheart that I wanted to start our family right away. Since we met and fell in love at Baylor University, I even had the pregnancy announcement card made up in my head, about a “baby bear” joining the family. The gleaming eyes and naiveté of that girl seems so long ago, like someone I used to know. Infertility changed the core of my being. The journey was full of moments of hopelessness, sadness, and heartbreak. It was also full of faith, redemption, and most of all, love.
As soon I got home from the ER I remember putting on an oversized pink gown, curling up in a ball, and just slept. I wanted this to be a nightmare. I remember seeing my Creighton Model chart on my nightstand next to the pregnancy journal my husband had bought me to record my thoughts. We had started using NaPro Technology to get to the root of my issues with trying to conceive.
Medical Intervention
Prior to NaPro, I had gone to a highly rated OB/GYN in my area after one year of trying to get pregnant. She was very blunt and to the point, which I actually appreciated. She ran various panels of blood, did internal ultrasounds during ovulation, and eventually came to the conclusion I needed a diagnostic laparoscopy because she suspected endometriosis. I continued under her care for approximately 6 months. I underwent the laparoscopy in July of 2015. It had been a little over a year since we had unsuccessfully tried to achieve a pregnancy. In a post-op appointment the doctor sat me down and showed me the imaging of the chocolate cysts and severe webbing of endo I had all over my pelvic cavity. It was even around my liver and bladder. She asked me if I had issues going to the bathroom because my bladder was completely tethered to another organ and the tissue seemed to cause some compression. I do recall the first time I went to the bathroom post-laparoscopy, my bladder felt extremely full as if it was hanging inside me like a water balloon. It was a very strange sensation, and now I know that endo was the reason.
In the last appointment I had with this particular OB/GYN, she told me I should consider a career change because she could tell I was operating on a high level of stress and anxiety. (I was a high school science teacher.) She also told me that since it had been a year, we could try a Clomid protocol but she thought that with my endo I probably needed to go straight to IVF. She said the nurse would be in to give me the reference to a specialist and as she threw away her latex gloves, she concurrently pulled the door open. Before I could object, she was gone. We could not do IVF due to the ethical and moral issues with it. I was practically in tears that I just took the paper reference from the nurse and left the office. I knew I would not return. There had to be another way.
Facing Reality
That OB/GYN was right about one thing: my career was falling apart and I was struggling to “put on a show” on a daily basis in my science classroom. In between lesson plans, grading, lab preps, equipment set up, and physics team meetings I was ready to just give up. Trying to get pregnant and dealing with all the issues was taking a toll on me.
Finding NaPro Technology
No one had ever mentioned NaPro Technology or anything other than things like IVF to me. One particular evening after work I prayed for direction. Shortly after I remembered the lady who taught us Natural Family Planning (NFP). I dug up her business card in a folder with all the marriage requirements for our church. I decided to give her a call to ask her what she recommended in situations like mine. I had not noticed that she had a website and business dedicated to NFP, so when I called, she started to discuss NaPro Technology.
If divine intervention had not led me to her, I would not have encountered a dramatic game changer in my infertility journey. On the phone she encouraged me to start Creighton Model charting and take classes with her. The best thing she told me was that a NaPro doctor had just signed a lease in our area! He was setting up his clinic and they were just moving in equipment. She estimated he would be taking patients by December 2015. She told me to call his wife and ask about an appointment.
Creighton charting changed my perception of infertility. No longer did I feel helpless and completely at the mercy of the next specialist, who treated all women with the same “protocol.” As a biology major and science teacher it made sense to me, and I wanted to delve deeper to understand my body. The charting gave me a task to do each day that made me feel like I was moving in the right direction. I could look at my chart and see that there were obvious patterns and typical symptoms. Intrigued by the efficiency of this system I took my charting very seriously, and so did my husband. We attended all follow up sessions with my FertilityCare Practitioner (FCP) as a couple and worked as a team. I asked questions and got real answers. At this point I was counting down the days until I could see my NaPro doctor of whom she spoke so highly, and that gave me renewed hope.
Meeting Dr. J
I finally went to my first NaPro doctor’s appointment in December 2015 with my chart in hand. The smell of paint and new floors filled the air. There was still no copy machine or phone lines. The nurse told me I was one of the first patients at the clinic. I was treated with so much attention and it felt right. It felt like this was the answer to our prayers. By that point we had tried to get pregnant for 18 months, and despite the endo surgery I was still not pregnant.
When I first met Dr. J, he looked me in the eyes and shook my hand. We discussed my medical history and the issues I had post laparoscopy. He ordered the surgical report from the hospital to see the procedure images. He also drew my blood on the spot to run some tests. In all my life I had never had the doctor himself take the blood. I knew he was different. We also set up follicle scans (internal ultrasounds), and he looked at my chart and said we would start that week. I told him that according to my best estimate I may ovulate on Saturday, and he looked at me and said, “Sure, I’ll see you then.” I was in awe that he would take time from his personal schedule and open the clinic for a scan! I knew in that moment that if anyone was going to help us get pregnant, it was Dr. J.
Treating the Issues
From December 2015 to April 2016 I drove all the way from Denton, TX to McKinney, TX in rush hour directly after the final bell at the high school for various follow up appointments. I would often be stuck in traffic and the office staff would wait on me to make it. Sometimes I would have a fellow teacher watch my last block class for the last 10 minutes so I could at least avoid the student traffic in the parking lot. In a matter of about 4 months we found hyperprolactemia (possible microadenoma), luteal phase defect, low progesterone, PCOS, endometriosis, and uterine polyps. We had accomplished more with NaPro in 4 months time then I had in a year and a half previously. Through a combination therapy of progesterone injections, vitamin B6, amoxicillin, Clomid, and Mucinex I got two pink lines in May 2016!
Our First Pregnancy via NaPro
I will not forget how I felt the day I saw a positive pregnancy test. It was 8:00 pm and I could not contain my excitement, joy, and complete bliss. I told my husband and we embraced in our joint happiness. I set up an appointment to see Dr. J and get my routine prenatal tests completed. I was over the moon! That same week I even saw a gently used recliner rocker at a consignment shop, and my husband and I purchased it. I contemplated a color scheme for the nursery, started to pin baby items on Pinterest, and even began to clean out the closet of the soon-to-be baby room.
After a few blood tests to check hormone levels and an ultrasound, Dr. J told me the pregnancy was not viable. He told me to prepare for a natural miscarriage. At the foot of the exam table I sat in complete disarray. I was too shocked to cry. Dr. J saw my distress and hugged me, and told me to get off the progesterone injections because that would delay the inevitable. There was no heartbeat at 8 weeks pregnant. Two weeks after that appointment I landed in the ER because of the amount of blood loss I was experiencing. It made my husband worry so he insisted that I get checked out.
Feeling the Grief
The weeks that followed my miscarriage were the darkest of my life. I could not get out of bed and face my days. Since summer break had started at the high school, I spent most of that summer recovering physically and emotionally from the loss of our precious baby. I did not have the strength to move forward with charting, NaPro, or anything related to infertility. I remember that summer as an intense internal hurricane. My relationship with God was rocky. I was angry at Him for the hand I had been dealt: for not allowing our baby to join us here on earth; for all the needle pricks on my arm; for the bruises on my hips from progesterone injections; for the bruises on my stomach from HCG injections; for the scars from endo; for the scars in my heart; for not letting me become pregnant as easily as others, especially those who did not even want to be pregnant. There was such unfairness to it all. I did not know what world I was living in where it seemed like I was being punished for wanting to be a mother.
After fighting these inner struggles, much soul searching, and quite frankly some good old fashioned screaming into a pillow, I was able to get on my feet again. I looked in the mirror and that day I decided to get up and fight harder: fight for myself, fight for my husband, and fight against infertility.
Please read the continuation of Daisy’s story with Part 2!
Biography:
Daisy Carrasquillo is married to Manuel Carrasquillo and is a stay-at-home mom to her rambunctious and sweet toddler Samuel Elliot and her happy-go-lucky baby Daniel Elias. She is a Baylor University graduate with a B.A. degree in Biology, pre-Healthcare concentration, and pre-optometry. She also holds a Texas teaching license and is a former high school science teacher. She enjoys reading to her boys, drinking espressos, writing, reading poetry, and spending time with her husband.
Annie says
Awww Dr. J was my first NaPro too! I used to drive from Fort Worth. It was totally worth it to have a doctor who could understand my cycle and help me when no one else would!
Malori says
He is such a kind and gentle soul! I’m so thankful to have found him too. His office is less than 10 minutes from my parents’ house so that was a huge blessing! But I would’ve driven much farther to see him if that hadn’t been the case. (Well, I did come initially all the way from Germany! haha)
Diane says
Daisy, your story really drew me in and I am going to read Part 2 right now! I love your tenacity and your faithfulness to God’s will for your life!